20 Sep The Walls in My Room Echo Your Name: A Young Man’s Open Letter to His Love
Next to you, my heart has a steady rhythm, writes Juan Mendoza to Tania Perez. (Photo by Tania Perez)
By Juan C. Mendoza
My love, Tania,
I write to tell you I love you. Although words may never reach the bottom of my heart, know that anyone can find that you are lying peacefully there. Imagine an empty room that has a tall ceiling, and you and I are on the roof. We drop a rope into the room, trying to find the floor (the bottom of my heart), but no matter how much rope we pour in, it never reaches the floor.
I write to tell you that you have changed my life forever. What we search for, this love, is what you’ve given me. In all your beautiful essence, I’ve found everything I’d ever wish for. And next to you, my heart has a steady rhythm. The song of my life has changed tempo, and in your melody, I feel at peace.
I’ve felt pain, my own pain. And with you, I am thankful for it. I’m thankful for every experience that led me to you. Because life with you is the greatest experience I’ve had. To put down my walls, I feel safe with you. Safe in your pool of love. Swimming in the comfort of knowing that our love will be eternal.
Before we met, my perception of love was very damaged. I thought it was gone from me, detached to keep myself from giving tainted love. After learning what anger can do to weakened hearts, the fear I held in my heart had no place when I got to know you. Now, the walls in my room echo your name, and through my ears, I hear your laugh, the most wonderful sound this life has gifted me.
If only I could tell my younger self that someone is coming into his life, someone who will make him thankful for everyday, someone who will make everything worthwhile. Tania, I remember our first laugh together at that park, our first moment of seeing something beautiful together, our first time crying together. You’ve opened doors for me. Doors that never would’ve appeared if I never met you.
When we think the same exact thing, I don’t love it because we have the same thoughts — I love it because of the reaction we give each other, like we just won. And that’s how I feel when you smile and laugh. When I see you creating your amazing art, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. With you, wherever we are, is where I always want to be. When I look into your eyes, I see all of our moments. And those moments will never leave my heart.
I love you, Tania. I’ll hug you and give you kisses. I’d do anything. Thank you for existing with me and for helping me become who I am. I can’t wait to see you. I am thankful I get to see you as you are, so beautiful.